I’m sorry if I overthink and it hurts you.

When you send shorter messages, I worry. When you text late, I get bothered. When you don’t call, I feel troubled. When you come home late, I get upset. When you go through the day without checking in, I feel blue. When you forget the little things, I get distressed. When you don’t pay much attention, I feel dejected. When things don’t go well as expected, I get anxious.

I’m sorry if I overthink.

Trust me, I don’t do it on purpose. I never wanted it to be a habit. Believe me when I say I want to stop doing it.

Because overthinking is exhausting.

It sucks that your mind keeps reeling when it shouldn’t. It sucks when it keeps flashing you with scenarios you don’t even want to see. It sucks when you can’t do anything about it. It sucks when you get disappointed just by the play by play of your own thoughts.

I want it to stop, I do. But I can’t.

How I wish it goes away overnight. How I wish the habit stops by just saying NO. How I wish it’ll vanish over a glass of wine or a bottle of strong and hard beer. How I wish a huge gulp of whiskey’s gonna make it disappear.

But it won’t. It won’t go.

I’m sorry if my overthinking hurts you. I never mean to.

It might be just my fear of losing you kicking in. It might be just my fear of you finding someone better.

Please don’t call it paranoia or obsession. Because it’s not.

I’ve been hurt, and I’ve lost.

I’ve lost when there wasn’t even a battle to begin with.

I’ve lost and I broke. And that’s something I don’t want to ever experience again.

Losing undoubtedly hurts when you’ve fought so hard for something that was yours to begin with, only to wake up the next day it being in another’s grip. It hurts like hell.

I’m sorry if I overthink.

Maybe it’s me protecting me. Maybe it’s me being selfish. Maybe it’s all about me. Maybe I just don’t ever want to lose again.

Because losing sucks. And I don’t think my heart could take another round.

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