WHAT IS INSECURITY?

insecurity (n.)

she tried to conceal her insecurity: lack of confidence,
lack of self-confidence,
self-doubt, self-consciousness, nervousness,
hesitancy, anxiety, apprehension,
worry, uneasiness

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We worry about a lot of things.

We worry about being late. We worry that the weekend’s over and we’ll have to deal with Mondays. We worry about what people think of us. We worry about how good-looking we are. We worry if we are not doing enough to impress other people. We worry about leaving a good impression.

We worry and we worry. That goes on and on. Everyone has insecurities. It just so happens some people are better at handling them, or hiding them.

And with social media, we live in a culture of people wanting approval with likes and retweets. We are eaten by the constant need to show off amazing bodies, amazing travels and food.

That leaves me to question the following:

• What are the causes of insecurity?
• What are the effects of insecurity?
• How do we deal with insecurity? How do we become okay with ourselves?

CAUSES OF INSECURITY

Recurring insecurities equal to low self-esteem, body image issues, and lack of direction. However, there’s no generalized cause of insecurity for many factors contribute to it.

• Traumatic events
• Crises (divorce, bankruptcy, loss)
• Environment
• Unpredictability

Parents who pushed their children excessively to succeed tend to have a huge impact which can lead to depression. Adults who force their significant others to unrealistically excel can also lead to lack of self-belief.

EFFECTS OF INSECURITIES

Insecure individuals tend to struggle with the formation of healthy and long-term relationships. They find it difficult to open up their emotions and experiences to their significant others. For them, this will only add to the their vulnerability. They’ll feel more fragile. And this may lead to:

• Having a narcissistic personality — overly boasting accomplishments, extreme arrogance, superiority
• Schizophrenia
• Paranoia
• Borderline personality — insecurities as to their sense of identity
• Being dependent
• Anxiety and depression — extreme worries, constant feelings of low self-worth
• Body image issues and eating disorders

DEALING WITH INSECURITIES

How do we become ok with ourselves? How do we overcome and deal with our insecurities?

The answer isn’t simple and the first step’s the hardest — having the willingness to face the things we can’t face and don’t want to face. This means you need to have courage. But, you don’t have to be instantly brave and courageous overnight. Bits and bits, and small yet daily doses of courage will help you. You must be willing to set aside distractions and focus on what you’re struggling with.

Again, the road to dealing with your insecurities isn’t an easy path, but a long and winding road. Ahead, you’ll go through obstacles which are the wounds that never healed in the first place.

1. PAST CRITICISMS — being criticized most of the time by parents, or bullied at a very young age
2. NEGATIVE SELF-PORTRAIT — as people criticize you over the years, you start to criticize yourself as well, and compare yourself other people
3. SEEKING APPROVAL — getting stuck in the fearful cycle of needing constant approval to feel good and to have/keep a great self-image
4. UNTRUSTING — driven by the fear of abandonment and rejection
5. SELF-REJECTION — rejecting the parts that build up the insecurities (large body, pimples, etc.)

However, obstacles show the path. They are the path. We just have to be aware and accept these obstacles so we can work with them.

Start paying attention to yourself and do the following:

1. FORGIVE THE PAST — allow yourself to recognize and accept the things that you’ve gone through. Recognize them, let them go, and forgive the people who hurt you. Tell your heart not to dwell on resentment. Understand that they were also driven by their own insecurities, something they should deal and face by themselves.
2. FORGIVE YOURSELF, ACCEPT YOURSELF — take a pause and assess yourself. Go to the mirror, take a look at you. Give yourself assurance and compassion. Embrace yourself and every bit of you. See the beauty of all the parts that makes you YOU.
3. ACKNOWLEDGE YOURSELF — practice self-approval. Don’t seek validation from other people. You are what you need.
4. STOP THE COMPARISON — comparing yourself to others has never been useful. You have a different path, so go that way while you wish others well, and appreciate that their awesomeness is different from yours.
5. BE TRUSTING — and be responsible too. Start trusting yourself, then branch out little by little to other people. Don’t overdo it and trust everyone instantly. Just take small steps, and all will be well.

I, myself, have insecurities. But over the years of my youth, I realized my insecurities are actually opportunities to do some work, be good at it, and develop something that’ll help me for the rest of my life. My insecurities serve as my guide to help me improve.

Little by little, and day by day, I have come to accept myself more than ever. I’m trusting myself and others more, and loving myself and others more, one moment at a time.